


Sandalphon Meets His Match

by Quannon



Series: Good Omens Character Studies [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:01:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22326004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quannon/pseuds/Quannon
Summary: Sandalphon takes punishing Aziraphale and Crowley into his own hands with unexpected results.
Series: Good Omens Character Studies [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1564321
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Sandalphon Meets His Match

**Author's Note:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley are only really mentioned in this fic. There is no actual violence only vaguely implied violence.

Sandalphon had been fuming for ages. Especially since the Apocalapse. How positively demonic that they were stopped by a _Child _!__

And those two buffoons. How in Heaven’s Name did they get away with that? It was _written _!_ _

Of course, Sandalphon hadn’t read those words themself. Gabriel had told them of the Written Plan and Gabriel WAS the Messenger of God. How could they have got it wrong? They didn’t. That’s how.

And now Gabriel and Michael weren’t _doing _anything about it. Nothing. They holed up in Gabriel’s office and hadn’t been seen since. Just secretarial angels going to and fro, to and fro, to and fro. It was revoltingly hypnotic.__

____

__

And Metatron had simply disappeared. Sandalphon didn’t know if they were communing with God on what to do next or just hiding someplace.  
COWARDS!!! THE LOT OF THEM!! They fumed, marching up and down, up and down, up and down the parade ground. 

The marching should have brought some relief. They had so many fond memories here where they learned sword skill and strategy; tactics and toughness. The traces of the good times of the past still lingered. There where they had playfully stabbed Michael and there, where Michael had gotten their revenge. Or the time, Samael had … 

Sandalphon balled their hands into fists and smote the offending patch of Heaven. They were supposed to be the Archangel assisting during pregnancy and childbirth for Heaven’s Sake!!! All ruined because Samael just _had to have it their way _! What was the point of their job if the humans were sinners from the Beginning? Damn Samael to Hell!!!__

____

____

Sandalphon stood there and gradually became incandescent. Why couldn’t Samael just stay in Hell where they belonged or … come out and fight like an Archangel! They’d lose, of course. That’s why. That’s probably why those two buffoons were able to convince the Anti-Christ not to start Armageddon. Samael didn’t _want _to have the fight and finally lose permanently like they’d lost the first time. And of course, if Samael _wanted _something …. If it hadn’t been for those IDIOTS ….____

_____ _

_____ _

Those Idiots. Sandalphon’s many eyes narrowed. They weren’t aware they were in the parade ground in their true form, but then again, why not be in their True Form? It was Their true form, wasn’t it? And Sandalphon’s True Form had been made to assist during pregnancy and childbirth; Gabriel’s true form was meant to be the Messenger; Michael’s true form was meant to be a warrior, but _Raguel’s _true form … Raguel’s true form was meant to punish those who had gone astray. To provide justice. Sandalphon needed Justice. They needed Justice to be served on Aziraphale and Crowley for thwarting the Written Plan as communicated by Gabriel, the Messenger of God, and Metatron, the Voice of God who kept that Written Plan.__

____

____

Yes. Finally, an action they could take. Sandalphon set off to find Raguel. 

Raguel generally kept to themself. It was difficult associating with their siblings and other choirs when they knew, they just knew, that everyone was waiting to see if Raguel had shown up to punish someone. It was no fun to attend parties when they essentially stopped the moment you showed up. Or go to meetings and have everyone fall silent waiting for you to say something and then not really believing it when you did. Or when … the list was long and all encompassing of the things that were no fun for Raguel.

So, Raguel had developed hobbies. At first, they were things like collecting pretty fragments of nebula or twinkling amalgams of star dust. Collecting an actual star took up too much space in their office, but when stars got planets and moons, they made it a point to visit all the more spectacular ones and bring back a small rock to commemorate. There were so many wonderful worlds in God’s Firmament! So many things to see! 

And then God started creating living things. Small things here and there at first. Just to see how it would go; what to tell the angels of life. Gradually, the projects got bigger and bigger, more diverse, and all the more fascinating! All the different types of living things! Raguel wanted to collect some but, hesitated. They didn’t want to collect something that was like themselves: thinking and hoping and remembering. But they did so want to be a part of it!

Eventually, Eden came to an end. After Samael’s defection it was inevitable that a demonic force would invade the Garden. Raguel had had to meet out the Justice required by God for eating the apple, but they were sad all the same. Thank God that Aziraphale and the other Guardians were on Earth! The humans could yet be brought to God’s Glory! Part of Raguel’s job was also to know when the punishment had been enough; when Justice had been served. For that to happen, the humans had to still be there. Again ... thank God for the Guardians!

So Raguel collected Eden when there was no further use for it. It couldn’t stay on Earth and Heaven didn’t want it. God hadn’t said anything one way or the other so Raguel collected it and moved it to another plane of existence away from humans and angels and demons alike.

Then Gabriel came to Raguel in their office and looked pointedly at all the collections that Raguel had and wrinkled their nose. “Really Raguel?” Their violet eyes trained on them. “This is Heaven, for Heaven’s sake. Couldn’t you clean up around here a bit?” Then they glanced back out into the sterile hallway leading to micro-existent offices (only when they were needed) with staff angels scurrying (with dignity! This is Heaven for Heaven’s sake) around like ants.

Raguel got the point and packed up their collections, closed their office and moved to Eden permanently. They left a file card taped to their now permanent door “Gone to Eden. Second star to the right and straight on til morning.” They weren’t sure anyone would get the joke, but then they weren’t sure anyone would ever come looking for them either. Just in case, they left an Intention that anyone reading the words and sincerely looking for Raguel would reach them in Eden.

They were pottering about around the moss garden close to the waterfall on the north side when a very unfamiliar ringing floated through the air. It made them stop and look for the source; sort of “scenting” it but not exactly. It came again and then yet again. An old memory floated upward in their consciousness. Something they had done so long ago when they had first moved here. It was the doorbell on the Eastern Gate.

A smile lit up their face and they scurried to the Gate. In truth, Raguel had never believed any of their siblings (or any of the other choirs actually) would ever come looking for them. Always too concerned with punishment and not enough concern for justice. But maybe that had changed?

Raguel swung open the gate and found Sandalphon on the doorstep looking disheveled and unhappy. “What is it? Come in and rest yourself. What has happened?” They reached out to touch their arm, but Sandalphon twitched away.

Sandalphon had hoped to find the Raguel they had known so long ago. Tall, stately, moving with purpose and confidence. Always so “in tune” with God even if they did have that ridiculous propensity to collect things. Their office was a Mess. The Raguel that stood before them was none of those things. They were dressed in dirty robes and barefoot. There were grass stains everywhere. And there was a silly straw hat on their head and some kind of flower behind their ear. A bit of mud was on Raguel’s left cheek and a bird sat on their shoulder. What had happened to them? Appalled but still incandescent with rage, Sandalphon brushed past Raguel and entered Eden. 

They looked around a bit as Raguel shut the gate. This place looked just like Earth. All messy and smelly and riotous. There was no obvious Order to things. They did what they wanted. Or mostly what they wanted as even Sandalphon could see where something other than Nature had trimmed the sides of a neat path and cleared the forget-me-nots patch of invading ivy. Not that they could see that it made much difference to things.

Raguel tried again. “Come over here, Sandalphon, and sit. Rest after your journey and tell me how I can help you.” They smiled and gestured to the benches that had appeared ahead of them; one in each alcove off either side of that path and facing each other. They could sit here and talk; surrounded by the lushness of Eden and the happiness of the life it held.

Sandalphon relented enough to walk quickly up the path and plant themself on the bench to the right. Finding it surprisingly comfortable, they waited for Raguel to be seated.

Raguel realized that perhaps they had lived alone too long and had done away with some of the self-care activities one did when expecting to be in the company of others. This could be off-putting to their first guest in 6000 years. So, gradually, they started miracling away the grime and stains and smartening up the seams in their robes and put sandals on their feet. Imperceptibly, the hat just faded until it was gone. It was a favorite of theirs, but no one in Heaven wore a hat. By the time Raguel turned to face Sandalphon and sat on the bench on the left-hand side, they had cleaned up quite nicely. Not to the Heavenly Robe standard, perhaps, no point in getting carried away; but respectfully enough that Sandalphon should be put at ease.

Sandalphon was a bit more at ease although they were still agitated enough that they didn’t really notice the changes Raguel had made. The making of them did the trick, but now that their appearance was within acceptable limits, Sandalphon didn’t notice. What they did notice is that it appeared that maybe Raguel did not know about the failed Armageddon. If they had known about it, wouldn’t Raguel already be seeking to deliver Punishment and provide Justice to Heaven for their stolen victory? Yes, of course! No one had told Raguel!

Feeling better about their visit, Sandalphon began. And when they had begun, they couldn’t stop. Out poured all the agony and rage that Sandalphon felt about Samael’s defection, their own broken purpose, the failed Armageddon, and those two louts, Aziraphale and Crowley. Traitors! Even their Punishment failed! Couldn’t Raguel Do Something about this?

Raguel looked at Sandalphon’s anxious eyes (all of them; they had reverted to their true form again) and felt compassion for their sibling. Sandalphon had many gifts but the ones that would have aided them with their purpose of helping women though pregnancy and childbirth were all stunted and malformed now. Centuries of disuse had robbed Sandalphon of their original nature or at least buried it under a mountain of grievances and hurt. Raguel could relate to the temptation since their own purpose had been lying dormant for all those same centuries. Sandalphon needed Justice; they already had had Punishment.

Smiling kindly at them, Raguel stood and went over to sit beside Sandalphon. They took their hand and this time Sandalphon did not pull away. Raguel used their power to softly search Sandalphon’s “heart” to find the best way to help. They were not going to re-start Armageddon; if that was truly part of the Ineffable Plan, then God would start it again at a time of Her own choosing. They were not going to visit destruction on their sibling formerly known as Samael. Lucifer had not yet learned anything from their punishment, and it was not Raguel’s place to change it. But what Raguel could do, if Sandalphon were still, underneath it all, the angel they were supposed to be, is offer an opportunity for them to find a new way. Build a new life with meaning. That really was the only difference between themself and Sandalphon. 

Finding what they needed to know, Raguel released Sandalphon’s hand and stood up. They stepped into the path and looked north to the where the moss garden was, thinking of the right conditions to make that particular garden grow. The moisture content, the sunlight, the nutrients, the love. Yes. This would work.

Turning to Sandalphon, Raguel said, “I cannot leave the Garden. I may have been here too long. But I can deputize you, Sandalphon, to act in my stead. Please, go to Aziraphale and Crowley in my place. First remember Who you serve and What She has tasked you to do. Then you may assign the Punishment that She will inform you of. This is important… you will not assign a Punishment that you think fit; only one that She speaks to you. Do you understand?”

Sandalphon gaped in surprise. Never had the thought that they might themself be able to take such action entered their mind! “She will speak to me?” they wondered; awe struck.

"Yes. All Punishment and Justice is from Her. Only She can tell you as Her agent on Earth what that Punishment will be. Do NOT fail to listen for Her or you will suffer the consequence.” Raguel smiled kindly again. “Do you wish to accept this task? To act in my stead in the matter of Aziraphale and Crowley?”

Sandalphon could not believe their good luck! Almost jumping with joy, “Yes, Raguel! I accept this task!”

“Very good.” Raguel turned to go back to the Gate. “Please if you can, would you let me know how this turns out? It is not necessary of course, She will know. It would just be a kindness to me.” Opening the gate, Sandalphon walked through.

“Yes, of course, Raguel. I will return here as soon as practical after the mission.” 

“Any last questions?”

“No. I am very clear on the task.” Sandalphon turned back for one more look at Raguel. “Thank you!”

Raguel watched Sandalphon until they moved through the portal and re-entered the plane of Heaven. They hoped they had done the right thing. It was a small transgression to let Sandalphon believe that Raguel couldn’t leave the Garden, but it was necessary to help Sandalphon. Never-the-less, there would have to be atonement when Sandalphon returned. Hopefully no regret.

They walked back up the path toward the moss garden to finish the morning’s work. They were not worried about Aziraphale and Crowley who were both much, much stronger than they knew.

Sandalphon went directly to their office on return from the Garden. There were preparations to be made. They reviewed the list of action items to be taken when embarking on a task for Her. An angel needed to be sure they were acting for Her which required a mental preparation to put aside their own wants and desires. It wasn’t perfect of course, but while perfection was a worthy goal, it wasn’t required. Neither was telling Gabriel or the others what they were going to do. This was Sandalphon’s task and none of them were going to mess it up by giving directions or even worse, somehow trying to take it from them. No, no need to inform anyone.

So, they sat in their office chair and cleared their mind as much as it was possible to do so; to be open to Her Will and Her Messages; to be present in the Divine Presence which was everywhere at once. To do this, Sandalphon had to calm their nerves and put aside their anger. This was to be Divine Retribution, not just Sandalphon’s Retribution. Besides, maybe She had thought up better things than they had for what do to with the Two Traitors.

Finally, they were ready. Task assigned, meditation complete; sword obtained from the Armory; clothing appropriate for a park in Tadfield, England donned (after all, they were only going after the Two Traitors; eliminating humanity could wait for another day). The Archangel Sandalphon was going to deliver some Punishment.

Sandalphon appeared on Earth behind some bushes approximately 100 meters from the location of the Two Traitors. They had not appeared in the open because they did not want to alarm the humans. At least not at this time. Their objective was the Two Traitors and that’s all they wanted to … alarm. And any humans … or Anti-Christs ... that were silly enough to be with them. They had received their task; they had meditated; they were prepared; and they had focus. Unlike _some _archangels they could name.__

____

____

R. P. Tyler was making his way across the park to the picnic area under the trees on the east side. He was walking Shutzie, his miniature dachshund. It was necessary to walk Shutzie multiple times a day for the dog’s best health. The veterinarian had said so. While on these required canine constitutionals, it was incumbent upon him in his capacity of President of the Neighborhood Watch, to be alert to any suspicious or out of the ordinary happenings in Tadfield. It was his responsibility as set forth in the articles and by-laws for the Neighborhood Watch and affirmed as A Good Idea by the Constabulary to always and everywhere be aware of your surroundings and goings-on. Well, R. P. Tyler had added the “goings-on” part, but it was an inevitable outgrowth of “being aware of your surroundings”, wasn’t it? 

So, in discharge of his duty, he was aware of an unusual man dressed in a long tawny beige coat over window pane beige trousers with SPATS of all things that was emerging from behind those hideous forsythias that Naomi Wellsbourne-Smythe had INSISTED on planting to commemorate the Battle of 1172. It was supposedly fought over what is now Tadfield. No one even remembers what that battle was all about or who won. And forsythias! Really! They mean Anticipation. Are we anticipating another battle? Silly woman. He wrinkled his nose and stepped up his pace to intercept the newcomer.

Sandalphon made directly for the Two Traitors. They were sitting at a picnic table with a woman with long black hair and man who seemed constitutionally nervous. Various picnic detritus such as plates, cold chicken, sandwiches, fruit and crisps were scattered over the table along with bottles of some kind of beverage. They were vaguely aware of the Anti-Christ moving in their direction along with three other children from somewhere off to their right. They smiled to themselves. This would be over before long Adam could intervene.

They marched on. That is, they did march on until there was a definite squelch beneath their foot followed by a definite slipping sensation. One foot was still on firm ground, but Sandalphon looked down at the other and found that they had stepped into a soggy area of sparse seedlings and mulched, damp soil.

“Hie, you there!” R. P. Tyler had originally just been going to investigate. Now he was incensed as well. The Garden Society had been trying to get the grass re-grown in that area all summer. He stepped smartly toward the unusual man with his umbrella pointing toward the sign stating Keep Off the Grass. “Can you not read? You’ve destroyed the Garden Club’s summer’s work there! Stay off the grass!!”

His incensed investigating carried him right up to within 10 feet of the unusual man. “Do you have anything to say for yourself? Don’t think I won’t report you to the police for destruction of public property!” Shutzie peaked out from behind Mr. Tyler’s legs and barked as threateningly as 8 pounds of miniature dachshund could.

Sandalphon turned to fully look at the human that was addressing them so shabbily. They were the Archangel fucking Sandalphon (to paraphrase Gabriel)! They had accepted a task from the Archangel Raguel! They had performed the required preparations including the meditation on (with if they were very fortunate) God and they had prepared to come to Earth! What right did this mere human have to chastise him?

Sandalphon took a step out of the muck and toward the offending human, but R. P. Tyler was made of sterner stuff. He waggled his umbrella again. “Be on your way! I don’t know what your purpose is in being here, but I’m sure that the local police can have it out of you! I won’t let you harm anyone. There are women and children here!” He followed that up with the Glare. Not a glare which he reserved for inefficient shopkeepers, but the Glare that he used almost exclusively for that Adam Young.

To be honest, Mr. Tyler wasn’t really sure where that bit about “harm” and “I won’t let you” and “women and children” came from. It sounded good though. The unusual man did not look particularly dangerous; just unusual. And he didn’t relax the Glare one bit. Shutzie barked again for good measure.

Sandalphon was fully turned around now facing the human whose back was to the afternoon sun. As they opened their mouth to send this human on his way, a strange thing happened. The sunlight seemed to outline the angry human like a corona and overwhelm his features so that only the shape of the man not 10 feet away from them was discernible. 

R. P. Tyler girded up his loins, waggled his umbrella, and snapped, “Do you not have manners enough to answer me? If you were younger, I’d be havin’ a word with your mother! Don’t think I wouldn’t!” 

“Words with my Mother?” Sandalphon was at a momentary loss. All their self-righteousness seemed to be held at bay for the moment; somehow insignificant, but not gone entirely. The idea that anyone, even a human, would be talking to their Mother about them, and not in a good way, was suddenly a sickening feeling. They knew that there were women and children here. But they weren’t going to hurt women and children, just the Two Traitors, but the idea that someone thought that they might seemed repulsive. They knew they had just prioritized killing humans for some time in the future when the Apocalypse re-started, but they would never do that just to be doing it. They were the Archangel charged with helping women give birth! (Although he’d never actually been allowed to do that since the whole Apple incident.) That led to another thought. Why hadn’t they full-filled their nature? Now that they thought about it, the problems with childbirth came AFTER the apple incident, not BEFORE. 

Suddenly, everything seemed different to Sandalphon. They remembered Raguel urging them to be listening for God to speak to them; to do nothing that She had not authorized specifically in a communication to them. Was this such a communication? They had not heard their Mother’s voice in over 6000 years. She did not speak to them directly anymore; only to Metatron if that was to be believed. They were still angry, and they still felt that the Traitors shouldn’t have stopped the Apocalypse, but the feeling was no longer white hot. It was supplanted by the very valid concern about their true nature and why they hadn’t manifested it.

As the sunlight moved on from behind R. P. Tyler, Sandalphon made a decision. They would not deliver Punishment to the Traitors today. She had not said to do that. Instead, She had possibly suggested that they look to the meaning of their life. They knew what they would do; they would go back to find Raguel and see what could be done.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t see the sign, but I think no harm has been done.” Sandalphon extracted their foot from the muck and restored it to its original condition. They didn’t smile at the human; smiling was not their best expression; but they did dial down the emotional level.

R. P. Tyler looked at the re-seeded area and harrumphed. There should be a deep footprint but there was none. Well, no harm done then. He dialed the Glare back to a glare to do his part of lessening of tension. “You were fortunate.”

Sandalphon nodded their head walked back toward the bushes.

R. P. Tyler looked after the unusual man until he was gone and then he turned on his heel and continued toward the picnic area. He was sure that American woman was probably littering. Shutzie barked excitedly.

Aziraphale and Crowley looked at each other in disbelief not sure what just happened. Anathema looked at them sharply, but Aziraphale continued talking about the finer points of croissant baking and the tension eased. 

Adam suddenly stopped on the path. The Them all barreled into him, but it didn’t matter. The World had changed again and not by his hand. He laughed and hoped one day that he might meet his Grandmother. Just because he said Lucifer had never been his Dad didn’t mean he’d tossed the rest of the family. 

Raguel was surprised to find Sandalphon at their gates again. A contemplative Sandalphon; a look Raguel could not recall seeing on their sibling before. It was good. Sandalphon did not tell them what had happened for a long time but that was alright. There was plenty of time for contemplation before conversation.


End file.
